Sorry I’m not Sorry, anymore.

Welp.

I’m at an odd crossroads in my relationship with the online world. I guess really with the world in general – and everyone’s quickness to be so godamned “judgy”. But having a blog, sharing your thoughts and feelings openly on social media and being unapologetic while you do so is a lot easier said than done. That’s just the result of being genuine I guess. But I can’t take it anymore, so I’m disconnecting… Not from the blog or Facebook. But I’m disconnecting the blog from Facebook.

2 reasons.

1) I don’t care to tell an acquaintance from college that my daughter married a character from Yo Gabba Gabba last week in her bedroom. But the Facebook newsfeed thinks they should know – so it shows up on their timeline. Cool – come on over and check out the epic wedding. But I don’t post with anyone specific in mind and it doesn’t make a difference in my world if they see it or not.

2) Those who care to share in these memories I’m making with my family can do so by hitting subscribe – or they can check it out by typing in the URL. That simple.

Anyone who knows me personally knows I’m never one to shy away from a good debate – especially about something I feel strongly about – and I LOVE Social Media. So it’s really no surprise, I’ve been obsessed with Facebook from the second I got to use my @ufl.edu email address to sign up. It felt elite – it was new – and an amazing way to meet and socialize with people. Yea there was MySpace – but that was full of old Creepers tryna send college girls “Dick Pix” and that’s not cool. I digress – but maybe it’s because I’m a mom, or pregnant, but I just don’t have the energy to care what people think anymore.

You wanna vote for Scooby Doo for president? Sweet – good for you! You want to “make $10,000 a month on this super awesome weight loss product / multi level marketing scheme”? Cool man – hope you do great. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, actions and feelings – and I’m not apologizing for mine anymore. Most Importantly, I’m going to quit trying to make people agree with or feel the same way I do.

Back in College, when I swore I was going to be this amazing humanitarian lobbyist (what an oxymoron, eh?), I found a sense of comfort in understanding that you will never turn a conservative into a liberal because you put some fancy words together and set up the most, logical, foolproof argument. People who are just downright anti-your stance, would never change their opinions because you want them to. Unfortunately, you cannot turn a ho into a housewife. Just not how humans work… So who cares? Same goes for people in our every day relationships. I just, forgot I guess.

Too many times I’ve typed up a beautifully written vent, full of pregnancy complaints, fears, and concerns from the last 8 and a half months… Only to keep the post hidden in drafts because I didn’t want my Facebook friends to feel like I was complaining again. But FUCK THAT. In that case – I’ve lost sight of the whole reason FOR this blog in the first place. It’s mine – and no one elses.

I want Alex and Milé to understand what their Mom was going through, and how hard it is to make the “right” decisions with their best interests in mind.

I originally wanted Alexandria to ALWAYS be reminded of how much we love her. Now, there’ll be two that get that opportunity. Two girls that can type in a simple URL and read about how much they are loved, from the very beginning of their lives. I don’t know about you but I think we could all use a little reminder of how much people love us every now and then.

I want my girls to know that although it may seem like I hated every second of GROWING ANOTHER HUMAN inside my body – it was all worth it because now I have them.

When the back aches are unbearable to the point of tears, and the hormones trigger migraines that make you feel like FOR SURE your head is about to explode – I want them to know that I would still do it a million times over because it meant that they were developing into the amazing little people they would be born as.

I want them to know how hard pregnancy was for me – so when they’re lucky enough to be moms one day, and the unsightly stretch marks start to show, itch and hurt… They’ll know it’s ok and their Mom felt just as uncomfortable with them as they might.

If one of them makes a decision that they regret, or want to change, I want them to know they CAN fix it. That they are never STUCK because of what someone or a group of “someones” say. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to be yourself and have your feelings and opinions, and it’s especially okay to piss people off if that’s what happens in the process. If something you do, in the best interest of your family, makes someone not want to associate with you or be your friend anymore then fuck’em. They weren’t your real friend in the first place.

Everyone is always so quick to say that an individual’s Social Media accounts are just the personas that they wish to portray to the world.

Selfies with crazy filters so your eyes pop and you can’t see that blemish on your forehead.

Statuses about how AMAZING your job is, because you’re friends with some old coworkers and you want them to think you’ve moved on to bigger and better things.

#Kony2012 man, because I care about child soldiers in Africa!

We type a status, proof it for spelling & grammar because God forbid your autocorrect uses the wrong form of “there/their/they’re”.

Wait that wasn’t witty enough.

Ehh, not enough alliteration – gotta make this sentence catchy!

Hmm, can you tell I’m being sarcastic, or should I add a winky face…

But the second people get real and post complaints, and write about difficult days or moments… It’s seen as complaining and annoying.

It’s a crazy narcissistic sharknado of doom that I’ve been sucked into the last few months and I want out.

Because as ridiculous as this all might sound – writing is one of the most therapeutic processes on the planet. It always has been for me and that’s not going to change.

So I’m out. At least, this blog will be out, and this is where I’ll always be 100% true to myself and my family.

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As some inspiration for this newfound bravery – I put together some pretty posters with quotes that I really adore. Digital “One for the Honey Swag” you might say. Feel free to take, save, and share with anyone you think could use a little encouragement. <3