One day, I’ll know what a full nights sleep feels like. I won’t even recognize it – and I’ll just wake up with this pip in my step. My feet won’t crumble underneath the weight of my body as I tip toe out of bed. I won’t need to tip toe out of bed, because everyone will enjoy sleeping in.
One day, I will get into bed peacefully, and the thoughts of all the unchecked “to-dos” won’t drown my relaxation. I won’t close my eyes and pray that “the baby sleeps okay”. I won’t even notice when my eyes close, instead of counting to a million and flinching every time I hear the baby roll over.
One day, I’ll sit down at the computer to edit, or write, or email – and I’ll coherently finish what I’m doing. I’ll complete a task at the same sitting in which it began – and be able to move on to the next thing. I don’t think I’ll be aware of this change either, rather, it will be a result of the sleep, and the reason my to-dos are crossed off.
One day, these kids won’t need me like they do now. I won’t sit in a rocking chair for hours with Milena, knowing that it’s the only way she doesn’t cough and can actually get some rest. I won’t have to constantly remind Chech that her sister is sleeping and to keep her voice down – because the two of them will be gabbing away. These little hands will be monstrous. This untamed mane will grow into a beautiful head of curls – and little baby Mile won’t be so little baby any more.
And I’ll forget about the bags under my eyes, and the pain in my joints. This lump in my throat trying to fight back the tears of exhaustion will go away. I’ll forget about the stress of my lists and business – and the hours spent staring at that screen.
And I’ll want to give it all back, for a few more moments of Little.
Just a little more little left.