Happy Sisters

They make each other so happy. It’s enigmatic, irreplaceable. It’s fill your whole house with smiles and warmth and giggles, and the kind of melt your frozen heart love. Their personalities couldn’t be any more different – but they are perfectly matching puzzle pieces. Alexandria was BORN to be a big sister.. we just didn’t know it yet.

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I can’t wait to watch them grow up into what they’re going to be.

 

Getting ready for the Holidays

This holiday season has been such a whirlwind – I don’t even have the words to describe how chaotic these last few weeks have been. I’ve somehow been able to capture a few snapshots of the family time we’ve had – and here are some of my faves. This is the most wonderful time of the year – and it’s way crazier than it should be. Looking forward to relaxing a few days next week and just enjoying my little family. <3

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I don’t want to forget… [A Love Story]

3am. Wide awake. Mind Racing. Just bought an iPad so now at least I have an easy way to write when I can’t seem to get back to sleep. Sleep is a pretty foreign thing these days and when it escapes me… I find myself just thinking.

My mind wanders and transports my half asleep, half awake mind into various corners of my memories. This night particularly, I found myself remembering the early days of my relationship with Papi Lindo. Before he was Papi Lindo.

Our friendship began when we were MUCH younger – each of us in different relationships, with different people, different ideas of what our futures would hold. Different “Happily Ever Afters”… but we were close. There was never EVER a romantic thought in my mind about him, he was nothing but my friend. My Best Friend. The person that I could confide in when I was having a rough time. The person I could meet at the Ale House for a beer when I was stressed out. The person who encouraged me to follow my dreams & leave stressful jobs (and relationships) – because I always deserved better. He always made me feel like I deserved better – little did I know HE would be the one that would make all of my dreams come true and make me “better”.

I don’t want to forget that.

We started dating by accident. I had NO idea we were on our first date when it happened. Both of us freshly out of long relationships, both of us still kind of recovering. He told me to meet him for sushi, and when no one else in our humongous group of friends showed up, I thought nothing of it. Just us. Getting Sushi. Nothing weird about that… until he paid for me. I don’t want to forget the smile on his face when he said, “It’s ok, Amart, I got it.” There was something different about that smile, but I tried to ignore it. “Let’s go chill at the house, I have some Henny” was his next suggestion. Another usual suggestion at about 8pm every night. But this time it was just us. We sat on his bed and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I tried not to notice the awkward tension. We sat as far away as two people could sit from each other. Watching a movie about a rough breakup, and the beauty in finding someone else that was more deserving of your love. Basically the definition of irony. I left that night, with butterflies and a weird sense of stirring. Something was up.

I don’t want to forget that.

Days turned into weeks, and we became a couple. No one believed us. A favorite past time of ours became “announcing” our relationship to mutual friends we’ve known forever. “No way” they’d say and stare at us jaws wide open. He’d kiss me, or I’d kiss him. And people would freak. One friend in particular refused to acknowledge we were dating and accused us of photo-shopping photos of us together… it was hysterical. We were happier than ever, for months.

I don’t want to forget that.

As in every relationship, things happen. Things are said, actions are made, that can’t be taken back. For a little while, I imagined what it would be like to live a life without him in my life at all. It was hell.

I don’t want to forget that, either.

He took me to Colombia that summer, to visit his childhood sanctuary. San Andres, Colombia – a tiny island paradise that he dreamed about returning to. My name changed to Amanda Martinez. I learned about Aguardiente, affordable bottle service and drinking and driving.

I watched sunrises and sunsets on two different sides of an island/mountainside. I grew less aghast at soldiers with AK-47s on the streets. I learned to Scuba and what it was like to love someone for every little piece of their soul.

I don’t want to forget that.

PapiLindoSomething about our love changed when we became parents. There’s a part of your brain that just turns on, and you see things so differently. For one, Anxiety and Post Partum Depression started with me. And stress and pressure mounted for him. We struggled to do “the right thing”, and went to bed every night knowing that we were doing our very best. He worked harder than ever. I watched the love in his eyes grow every day for his little girl. He was so much more than my best friend, partner in crime, boyfriend – he was a father to my daughter. He worked hard so we could save money. Pinched and scolded me when I splurged, so we could move back to the apartment building where he worked. One day in particular, something about the smell of the air, the sunset in progress and the beauty of the moment made me grateful for his existence. I noticed how handsome he looked as he smiled at Alexandria and pushed her in her “Tee Too” to the park down the street. I remember thinking how much I loved that man.

I don’t want to forget that.

Life can be such a blur. The little moments I snap on my iPhone, or try to burn into my brain will fade away as they’re replaced by new memories. First steps will turn into first sports games. Sunsets turn into sunrises. Our relationship will turn into a marriage and I want to be able to clearly describe to our TWO girls now, the kind of love they deserve. The kind of husband, father and friend they deserve to have in their lives. This blog is our time capsule and I don’t want to forget.