Once you have one child, it’s hard to imagine you could ever love anything else as much, ever. Until you find yourself staring at another vernix covered human being with happy eyes and a funny cry.
My beautiful Milena. With your pouty lips and your piercing eyes. They’re a little smaller than your sisters were, so I can’t really tell what color they’ll be yet. But oh those eyes. The way you look at me when you open them melts my heart into a giant puddle of flowers, puppies and rainbows.
Your birth has been an experience that has left me with amazing memories. Gone are the bitter feelings of regret from when your sister came into the world. Now that I know the joy that can be had, like the joy with you – it makes me sad to think I missed out on this with her. Unique, like your fingerprints, DNA and personalities – you and your sister are your own unique selves and there is no comparing.
My sweet, Milena. Building a breastfeeding bond with you has been a priority since long before we knew your name. Since this wasn’t going to be my first rodeo, I knew I could keep a baby alive pretty well, I am determined to stay strong and dedicated to breast feeding you. I have some pretty awesome friends who are cheering us on from the sidelines and offering all kinds of awesome advice. We’re lucky to have them. We can do it. I can do it. You and I, little Baby Milé.
My favorite part of the last few days has been learning the pieces of you. Your little hands, are long and skinny and they remind me of my Memaw’s hands. Beautiful nail beds that will one day be long and red and beautiful, just like hers.
Your noises are the best. Little sniffles, grunts and even yells make my heart flutter, because they’re YOUR noises. When you sleep, you rustle and sometimes struggle to settle, only to fall into these deep sleeps that help you grow. Mommy & Papi are grateful for these sleeps because we’ve been able to get some rest here and there, too. You’ve grown accustomed to Papi’s snores and they don’t even wake you anymore. I, on the other hand, get poked and prodded every hour so sleeps been a little more of a foreign concept for me. Sleep and I won’t be friends for a while – a friendship I’m happy to give up to have you. Your sleeps are the sweetest.
Tomorrow we go home, and start our journey as a family of 4. We didn’t know it, but our family wasn’t complete because we didn’t have you. Now we do. Now we’re perfect. My amazing, Milena.