(of a woman or female animal) having a child or young developing in the uterus.
full of meaning; significant or suggestive.“a pregnant pause”
Nowadays, that’s all I feel. Pregnant. Even my pauses, are full of meaning and significant. Because if I’m not talking, chances are I’m crying or trying to hold back the tears. Or vomit. That’s been a hard one to hold back. Too graphic? Too bad, I’m pregnant. 🙂
It feels good to get it out, that’s for sure. For whatever reason the first trimester is this giant secret that no one wants to share for fear of something terrible happening and having to explain it to every one. I read this beautiful blog post back in December, before we knew we were pregnant, about how difficult it is for families to live through a miscarriage – and it changed my perspective completely. If something terrible WAS going to happen – why in the WORLD would we want to keep it a secret? Why in the WORLD would we want to go through it alone?! So, this time we waited a little while to tell everyone, not for fear, but because I was trying to come up with a creative way to announce it – and literally had zero time to do so.
So, we’re Preggers. As of now, the due date is the first week of September, but since I will be having a scheduled C-Section, it might even be a little earlier than that. Who knows! The first 10 weeks have been absolute suffering. I’ve described the first trimester to friends as it feeling like you’re hungover, all the time, and didn’t get to have the fun that usually comes BEFORE the hungover feeling. Think, 1 Gallon of Orange Juice + 1 L of cheap Vodka type sugary yuck hangover, 24/7, with no relief at all. Yay baby! As of today, it’s been a few days without getting sick… so I’m counting my blessings and will be enjoying a Cheeseburger for dinner. Because, Pregnant.
Which seems to be my explanation for a lot of things lately:
“Oh, I can’t participate in this beer chugging Social Media phenom because, Pregnant.”
“Oh, I’m sorry I walked right past your office with those certificates and didn’t hand them to you, then went home with them in my purse… Because, Pregnant.”
“Oh, I started to text you back and then I got distracted… Because, Pregnant.”
“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m not crying because I’m GENUINELY upset, I’m crying Because, Pregnant.”
So, in my typical over thinking self, I decided it’d be energy better spent thinking about all of the POSITIVE things that could be answered in the same way. For example:
“Yes, I’m about to take a bath, turn on some music and ignore the world. Because, Pregnant.”
“Yes, I’ve created a whole plethora of Pin Boards & Inspiration lists for names, design & baby clothes. Because, Pregnant.”
“Yes, my body is physically making another person. Because, Pregnant.”
That’s it. That’s all I’ve got… so far. Everything will change when I start to feel his/her little flutters. Everything will change when we get to see the beautiful silhouette of a little face, and not a blob. Everything will change when we find out if we’re welcoming another princess, or finally a little prince to the Iglesias family.
In about 30 weeks everything will change. Because, Pregnant.
Life can be pretty damn confusing. It can feel like there’s a pile of crap for you to step in at every corner you turn… some you can avoid, but you walk right through most. And then you find a nice big pile of crap hidden in your mailbox in the form of a red light ticket at an intersection you don’t even remember being at. Sweet.
But my path has been less amounts of crap, and more flowers, puppies and butterflies this last month. Why?
Because I unexpectedly fell in love with life all over again.
It happens when your Career hits the restart button.
I left a job that made me anxious, disappointed and useless. The “work” section of my brain was a really difficult space to occupy – I was stuck in this purgatory of torturous uncertainty. No matter how hard I tried, or what suggestions I made, I was figuratively tied to old habits and it was causing a civil war in my head.
I’m a creative type. Having to do the same monotonous tasks day in and day out, without the freedom to push the limits and try new things, is like clipping an eagle’s wings. Yea, they can get where they need to by dragging their bodies around, but will they ever soar to the great heights they were meant to? No chance. Micromanaging my existence does the same thing to me. There’s nothing wrong with the status quo – but it’s not for me.
Then, my dream job appeared out of nowhere. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse and a chance to join the ranks of fellow creative professionals with a blossoming digital agency that is about to kick some total ass. So, I am now the Online Media Manager for Bold Man and the Sea Media. I am more inspired, excited and motivated then ever before. Waking up and battling traffic to get to the office is no longer a torturous trek – it’s a chance for me to peruse through my mental list of goals for the day.
It happens when you are recognized for things you’re passionate about.
My photography is right where I want it. A compliment to my existence. Not my full-time obsession, not a side hobby… this comfortable in between that helps me create beautiful images on the weekends and not rule my life. I take on projects because I want to – because the people involved are going to be awesome to work with, or the concept sounds amazing. Not because I have to. I think I like it this way.
It happens when you get a super awesome hair makeover.
It happens when you realize your daughter is learning everything you try to teach her.
It happens when you realize there is nothing better on this earth than the life you live,
and you love it with every inch of your being.
Being a mom is tough, damn right. But to say that my life is over because I am one is total Bullshit.
s right. I call Bullshit. Becoming a mom does NOT mean I’ve lost all my freedom or given up on all of my hopes and dreams. Instead I get to add something I never knew I needed to my list of things I hope to accomplish – my new #1 is Being a Good Mom.
Yea, it’s a crap load of work. Absolutely, my life is now dedicated to my scrumptious little munchkin. You better believe she comes first. But to say that this is at all something NEGATIVE in my life is complete, and total bullshit.
I am still a 27 year old aspiring creativeprenuer who loves Photography, Art & all things bright and colorful.
I am still a die hard Florida Gator.
I am still Kike’s best friend.
I am still working hard to tame my unorganized tendencies & get a grasp on my issues with procrastination.
I still want to travel the world.
I still have the two year itch to press restart on my life and take risks.
I still cannot keep shoes clean.
I still enjoy REAL hip-hop.
I will always love spending time with my friends and talking shit.
I will never be satisfied with mediocrity.
I will NEVER give up my hopes and dreams. I will ALWAYS include the two loves of my life in all of them.
I am a mom.
I am still me.
I realized today how long its been since I’ve posted – I also realized today how quickly time is passing. Time is the most precious thing on this planet – you can’t control it, it fixes a lot of problems and exacerbates others. Time is a fucking crazy concept. ::cue the philosophy rant::
Either way… in reality, this is why I really started this blog in the first place. To capture all of the moments in my life – and in the other Kairos girls’ lives – to look back and remember how we lived and the kinds of mommies we were [are], and vent out all those frustrations and accomplishments.
Today, I come to my blog with frustration.
Being a mommy is a full time job in itself – something I don’t need to explain to any of you. But what I am struggling with is figuring out my place in the “real world”. After leaving my job as a Fundraiser with Florida International University, I embarked on a journey to explore my creativity & started a small media consulting business… I could set my own hours, figure out my schedule as I needed to with Alex and still keep doing what I love – to be creative.
and I’ve enjoyed every second of it.
But the last 9 months haven’t been a walk in the park because, see, when you have a little person THEY become your priority. Not the amazing networking event tomorow, not the potential client’s phone call you haven’t returned, not the e-mail blast to previous clients you’ve been writing – all that is small potatoes. Your priority is your munchkin. Everything that needs to get done for them, gets done first.
To be honest, I’ve not enjoyed every second of this.
See, and if you know me, you know that I look at every scenario in my life as an opportunity. A missed contract = something better coming down the road. A mistake made while working on a client’s project = a lesson learned to make my services better the next time.
There have been some super exciting accomplishments – I’m officially an FIU vendor and photographed my first event for the School of Accounting. I landed a pretty big contract with the Huntington’s Disease Society of America managing two of their fundraising walks in South Florida. I’ve completely redesigned my website. How I’ve found the time for this – who knows.
I just pray that I learn to keep the balance going and accept the things I cannot change. This business is like a second child of mine – it needs to be fed creative projects, nurtured with constant learning and changed when it gets messy and things don’t work – and I’m determined to be just as good a mommy to Amarticus as I am to Alex…
I’m so grateful for the last 9 months of hectic craziness. I’ve launched a semi-successful creative consulting business, we’ve had 4 different homes, celebrated countless milestones in each of them and grown closer as a family. I may not have been the greatest juggler – I’ve definitely been a giant unsuccessful balancing act…
But 9 months spent watching my daughter grow up and become an adorable ball of hilariousness = something a lot of people don’t get the chance to do. THAT IS MY KAIROS.